Haunted by Hassel

"Haunted by Hassel", that could be the name of my new book. The latest unshakable experience happened as Chris Hassel played the part of "naked guy" in this week's What's Bugging Andy? If you haven't seen it, it's on the video player at whotv.com's sports page. Proceed with caution.

After SoundOff Sunday night, our friend and colleague, Jon Miller, wrote an email of appreciation for Andy's observations about gym etiquette. Jon also attached a column he wrote a few years ago on the clueless people who often frequent fitness facilities. I've included most of it here:

Today's Topic: The Towel Belongs Around Your Waist When You Are Naked

Being that I have only been in the men's locker room, I cannot say for sure if this is a gender specific phenomena, or if it pertains to just the men.

But here are a few observations and questions I have made through the years, with most of them being recent.

~ TOWEL OVER THE SHOULDER GUY

Why, when you need to be naked in the locker room, do you walk to the shower with the towel over your shoulder, flip flops on to avoid fungus, and let it all hang out? None of us wants to see that. This does not just pertain to men who are in excellent shape. Men of all shapes and sizes do this. Why? Cover up, bro.

~ NO TOWEL AT ALL GUY

Why don't you cover up when you walk from your locker to the sink area to grab some gel, put on some deodorant or other sink and mirror related issues? This is not your personal bathroom. That is fine at home, and the wife might actually like that from time to time, but the rest of us men really don't care for it. Or at least I don't think they do.

~ THE TOWEL DROP & NAKED IN THE HOT TUB

I enjoy a good soak in the hot tub after a workout. There are not many things that are as relaxing as that, though the sign says to not wade into a hot tub after a workout. (Why the hell have a hot tub in the men's locker room if you are not supposed to get in it after a workout?) If you are going to enter the hot tub, could you PLEASE have some sort of swim trunks on your person? The towel around the waist, two steps into the water and off comes the towel is more than a bit unnerving for this man. This isn't Vail and your wife is not in the room. Please, have something that forms some sort of barrier, just for the peace of mind of others.

Now, should you encounter this person, the proper etiquette is to not just stand up and leave immediately. You probably need to wait at least one minute before moving on to the shower, as a courtesy. I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do. And if this person should strike up a conversation, one word answers will do just fine, in your deepest voice.

~ OPEN CURTAIN SHOWER DUDE

If your health club or YMCA has individual shower stalls like they do at Prairie Life, and they have curtains on the stalls, those curtains are there to be used. What is up with going in and showering, lathering up and doing the 360 rinse off for all to see with the curtain drawn? Shut the curtain, man! Shut the curtain! If you club has the high school group shower column thingy, then it's understandable and certainly acceptable.

~ THE CLOSE & NAKED TALKER

Is there anything more unnerving or frightening than when you are lacing up your shoes, getting ready to work out, and Towel Over the Shoulder Guy comes over to you and strikes up a conversation when you are sitting down? Why does one even have to address this as being wrong?

Listen, I am a social person, and I really do enjoy talking to complete strangers. Honestly. But I am probably not going to be too long winded when Johnson is at eye level and very much inside the Ring of Courtesy Space that I like to have when a naked dude is in the room.

Also, there is a widely known technique to put on one's underpants while at the same time sparing the rest of the room the moon shot…your towel is wrapped around your waist, you put on your undies, and then you drop the towel. It's not being shy about what you have, it's just a good practice to follow.

What can exacerbate the uneasiness when you encounter any one of these circumstances is when Spandau Ballet's 'True' comes on the radio, or Josh Groban starts to croon one of his toons on the piped in music.

It would be much better if they had on 'Arena Rock'in the men's locker room as opposed to some of the stuff I have heard.

I know that some of you might be thinking, 'Man Jon, what is your hang up here?'

To me, it's just about etiquette. Some friends and I have recently shared some of these stories, and we feel the same way.
I am not hating on anyone here, and if you happen to be one of the guys from any of the categories I have listed above (and I am sure there are others), I don't dislike you.

But if I tie my laces a bit faster, or if I slowly slide over in the spa, it's nothing personal. It's just me.

Jon Miller

Thanks, Jon. Next time send this in before SoundOff so we can steal some of your ideas.

What do you think? Are these observations fair? Or did Jon and Andy miss a few people that drive you a little crazy at the gym?

If you'd like, leave some thoughts in the feedback section. Who knows, maybe some of these folks will get a clue, and if nothing else, getting it off your chest can't hurt, as long as you're wearing a towel.

Keith